Knock Knock

“Understand first, then be understood.” — Epictetus

The Obstacle

The Restless charges ahead.
It looks for different paths.
Always in search of something new
More exciting
Different.

It looks for quick solutions
Solves problems
Then moves on just as quickly.

What does in leave in it’s wake?

The Restless hastily forgets that empathy holds the keys to the kingdom.

Without empathy, conflicts are difficult to resolve.
Problems move faster, but solutions stall.
Coming to a true understanding becomes nearly impossible.
Without empathy, it is difficult to move positions
Influence others
Or to be heard.

When we rush past empathy
We leave the keys at the door in exchange for kicking it down
Expecting to then have a rational and reasonable conversation
Expecting the home owner to listen.

When we rush past empathy
Others do not feel heard
Understood
Valued
Or cared for.

Our Restlessness costs us time
Time spent arguing our points
Backtracking.
It reduces our performance
Pulling focus away from the actual problem
Into unnecessary and avoidable resistance.

The Restless forgets
Empathy is not the slow path.
It is the fastest way to getting someone else on board.

The Gift and Opportunity

The restless likes to hurry
Keep moving.
On to the next thing.
Never at rest.

We can feel that pace.

Because we can feel it
We can learn to recognize it
Slow it down
Even backtrack when needed.

We know the restless is useful
But not wise.

We can slow down and use empathy.
Instead of kicking the door down
We can politely knock
Wait to be invited in.

Once in, patiently listen
Ensure that others feel understood.

We do not have to condone.
Agree.
Or even care.

If we are interested in progress
Influence
Time
Relationships
We need to let others know they have been heard.

Don’t kick the door down
Knock
Wait for the invitation to enter.

The Practice of Self-Mastery

• Knock and wait for the invite

• Lower the speed or stop so empathy has room to operate.

• Lead with understanding, not solutions. 

• Act only after empathy has done its work. 

  CHEAT CODE: STOP → KNOCK → WAIT → LISTEN