Say No for More Yes

“If you seek tranquility, do less. Or more accurately, do what’s essential.” — Marcus Aurelius

The Obstacle

Demands for our time and attention are many.

We are put in a position to want to do more than we are able. Most of us have trouble saying No, so….

We say yes.
Yes to the request.
Yes to the meeting.
Yes to the party.
Yes to the conversation.
Yes to helping.

We say yes because we want to be helpful.
Because we want to please.
Because we want to be of service and to do the right thing.
Because we don’t want to be rude, offend, or hurt someone’s feelings.

Sometimes we say Yes to more than we should. For some people, they say Yes to almost everything. We become overwhelmed by the very things we have agreed to do. What started with good intentions can steal from us and turn into worry, stress, and - over time - resentment.

Saying Yes can be a great thing.
It can also be overused.

When Yes is said too many times, too often, it begins to consume us. People get used to us saying Yes. They begin to expect it. That expectation becomes taken for granted, starts stacking, and quietly building resentment in us.

All of this because two little letters come with so much weight and are so hard to say… N…O…

Learn to say No.

The Gift and Opportunity

We decide what to say No to.

We decide if what we are saying Yes to is something we truly want to do.

We can decide if it is worth saying Yes to at all.

We can choose to guard our time, effort, and attention to ensure we are not overstretched. When we agree to too much, there is no room left for ourselves. We cannot be our best selves when there is not enough to give to ourselves.

Saying No more often is a way of saying Yes to more of what matters.

Saying No to the seemingly urgent and unimportant requests creates space, energy, and time for what is important.

Saying No prevents resentment toward those who ask for too much.

Saying No allows us to choose more of what we value — where we invest our time and attention, and who we spend it with.

Say No to more, so you can have more Yes for yourself. It’s not selfish, it creates a better version of yourself to give to others.

Say No to more of the “urgent”, so you can say Yes to more of the important.

The Practice of Self-Mastery

• Say No to yourself and to others more often, so you become practiced at skillfully saying No.

• Anticipate the fear, judgment, and saboteurs that will show up when you choose to say No. Be ready for them, they will trick you into Yes.

• Reframe your No into a Yes; No to the “urgent” becomes yes to the “important”.

• Remember that every No is a yes for something you choose.

• Guard your time and attention mercilessly.