The Downward Spiral
This writing is Certified Human
“Today I escaped from anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions, not outside.” — Marcus Aurelius
The Obstacle
We have moments in our lives that build.
Frustrations stack
Resentment compounds
We replay conversations and situations
We rehearse the perfect thing to do or say
To put it to rest
To be right.
We live with the weight of that moment
Or that person
We carry it with us.
Revisiting often
Unable to let go
Forgive
Accept
Learn
Move on.
We can get caught in a downward spiral
Of memories
Thoughts
Imagination.
The Gift and Opportunity
We can choose to simply let it go.
We can choose to find a gift
We can choose to learn
Understand
Gain a skill
Forgive.
Move on without carrying the weight.
We can choose to not replay
Be right
Win.
We can choose to not continue to spiral..
The Practice of Self-Mastery
• Notice the spiral
• Interrupt before it gains momentum
• Seek understanding over validation
• Release the need to win and move forward
CHEAT CODE: NOTICE → INTERRUPT → UNDERSTAND → RELEASE → MOVE FORWARD
The Why
I had a gathering this weekend.
At that gathering was someone I had not seen in a very long time.
Someone who was once very close to me.
Our relationship ended abruptly.
At the time, I did not have the skills to properly navigate it.
I have thought about it thousands of times since.
It has been a great weight to carry for more than a decade.
The morning leading up to the event, it was first in my mind.
The spiral began.
The skills I have now allowed me to catch it early.
To cut it off.
To recalibrate.
I was able to create a framework where I simply wanted to understand the person and make sure they knew I understood.
Open the door for them to seek understanding, if they chose.
But I did not need to win or be understood, it was not what I was seeking.
When the event happened, there was no anxiety.
No anger.
No resentment.
No frustration.
And when the conversation happened, there was no leading.
No desired outcome other than for them to be understood.
There was no downward spiral.
No conflict.
