Be Open
“If anyone can refute me show me I am making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective I will gladly change It is the truth I am after" — Marcus Aurelius
This writing is Certified Human
The Obstacle
A potential conflict arises, and we assume.
We assume how we know it’s going to go. What the possible outcomes are. How it should be.
We assume others’ attitudes, opinions, thoughts, beliefs, intentions.
We assume we know what other people are thinking and their motives. Why they do what they do.
We spin scenarios, justify how we’re correct, and judge others for how they came to their position.
We might not be open to all the possibilities or know enough information to come up with this assumption or the solution.
We jump ahead before knowing enough about the situation or the position of others to have an accurate representation of what reality is.
We spend too much time and energy focused on the way things should be or could be from our perspective, rather than letting it unfold, being open, curious, and creative.
We think narrowly about what’s best for right now from our single point of view.
The Gift And Opportunity
We know that things are complicated.
We know that circumstances are seldom what they appear, and there is much unseen in the landscape.
We know that oftentimes when we assume what others think or their intentions, we could be wrong.
Since we know this, we can accept this and be determined to be open.
We can seek to understand the other’s point of view, where they’re coming from, and allow them to feel heard before moving on.
We can explore the circumstance, understand the entire landscape, and all the different angles before coming up with a belief or an action.
We can save our energy and reduce stress by remaining present where we are without jumping too far ahead.
We can enter what could be a conflict with an open mind. Ready to understand. To explore more. Leaving open the possibility that our assumptions were unfounded.
We can be certain that we don’t know it all and be open to what we’re missing.
The Practice Of Self-Mastery
• Notice the assumption
• Stay open
• Seek to understand
• Explore what we’re missing
CHEAT CODE: NOTICE → STAY OPEN → SEEK TO UNDERSTAND → EXPLORE WHAT WE’RE MISSING
The Why
I had a situation with a neighbor where we have shared work to do on shared property.
They assumed a good number of things about my position and intentions, and I assumed a good number of things about what they thought of me, my intentions, and how they got to where they were.
A text message was shared that brought into question my values and who I am as a person, and it was difficult not to be defensive and get derailed.
It was difficult not to come up with assumptions about their intentions and attitude.
I was able to get calm and centered and decide what was important before entering into conversation.
I was able to be curious and open to what I didn’t know and allow the conversation to unfold.
When it was all said and done, it was a simple misunderstanding and miscommunication from never having gone through a project together.
In the end, it worked out.
We’re on the same page, and we’ll move forward with trust and assurance that we’re both in it for the right reasons.
There was no conflict and no need to assume, but humans do, and we did.
We both should have been more open.
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