Create Distance
“For every minute you remain angry you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
This writing is Certified Human
The Obstacle
Everything feels close and immediate.
We need to respond now and have the right answers.
The flush of emotions feels overwhelming and drives us to react.
We don’t choose. We just do.
We head right to action, bark out orders, or respond in defense, rather than taking the time to understand and explore.
We end up backtracking, digging our heels in, or defending.
This does not save time or help us perform more efficiently.
Our relationships suffer because we end up defending actions or words we never should have said in the first place.
The Gift And Opportunity
We don’t have to respond at all.
We certainly don’t have to respond right now or immediately.
We can take a breath or two.
We can take an hour, a day, or a week.
We can create distance and understand what’s actually important, choosing the correct path rather than rushing into immediate action.
When we do this, our actions and words become those that we choose.
We don’t waste time or energy backtracking, fixing the mistakes we rushed into.
Our relationships are better because we navigate the words, conflict, and conversations more adeptly, with understanding and curiosity.
The Practice Of Self-Mastery
• Notice the immediacy
• Take a breath
• Create distance
• Choose the response
CHEAT CODE: NOTICE → TAKE A BREATH → CREATE DISTANCE → CHOOSE THE RESPONSE
The Why
Everything feels immediate.
That text message. Phone call. Email. The breaking news of the day. All the events going on around us.
I have to remind myself that if the news of today is important, it’ll still be there tomorrow or next week.
I can separate myself from having to answer right now and do things on my own time, answering emails and text messages in bulk instead of one at a time.
I don’t need to have the answer for someone who’s right in front of me without taking a breath or two, or even asking if I can get back with them, or if I can take a minute.
In extreme cases, we can put the distance of a thousand years between us and now.
Our ancestors struggled with the same thing: the feeling of immediacy.
What was important then is important now.
All the day-to-day things were just urgent and didn’t necessarily need their time or attention.
I can remember that what’s important endures over the eons.
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