Make it Sweet
“Begin with praise and honest appreciation” — Dale Carnegie
This writing is Certified Human
The Obstacle
It’s in our nature to fix.
We like to correct what we see and instruct others how to do things our way.
We are pushed to make things perfect in the way we see them and the way we would do them.
We are quick to judge, condemn, and put down what we see as insufficient or wrong.
Actions, opinions, statements, and beliefs that don’t align with ours can cause frustration and even anger.
We place this on all the people around us, and they don’t measure up.
This is especially true for the ones we spend the most time with and the ones we love the most.
The constant measurement and correction does not help our relationships.
It doesn’t help them get better, and it doesn’t help us perform either.
It’s not sweet, but it’s a bitter pill.
The Gift And Opportunity
We don’t see things as they are.
We see things through our own perception.
The way others do things could be viewed from a different lens.
We could look with curiosity and maybe find a small part that could make our actions, processes, or thoughts a little different, possibly even a little better.
We could point out what they’re doing well.
We could notice how interesting their actions or thoughts are because they’re different than ours.
We could praise what’s working and what we want more of, and watch the growth happen over time rather than expecting them to become a copy of us.
They are not us, and we can learn from them.
We shouldn’t expect them to do, think, and say what we do.
We can let go of the outcome, bring them along with reward and praise, and even learn something from them along the way.
It’s a much sweeter way to live life.
The Practice Of Self-Mastery
• Notice the urge to fix
• Look for what is working
• Praise what we want more of
• Learn from the difference
CHEAT CODE: NOTICE THE FIXER → LOOK FOR WHAT’S WORKING → PRAISE → MAKE IT SWEET
The Why
I’m a fixer.
I see the fault in things, and I can see how to correct it.
It’s easy to continuously judge everyone and everything for not being enough.
When I do this, I find myself frustrated with the universe and with everyone in it for not seeing things the way that I see them.
When I let this take over, I end up correcting my children all the time instead of learning with them and teaching them how to learn.
I’ll do the same thing with just about anyone in my life, and it turns into a constant cycle of frustration and repetition that comes off as me being superior or better than them.
I try to step back now, help the kids learn, and learn something from them in the process.
I realized that I don’t have to make anyone’s life look more like mine, and that if I just show up and watch or listen, I might learn something from people who are doing things a little bit differently than me.
It gives me more time and energy to do things that matter.
It makes me less frustrated and actually happy to be doing things with others.
Most of all, it makes me a better husband and father when I don’t want clones who think they’ll never live up to my expectations.
You bring them along with compliments and sweetness, and life tastes a whole lot better.
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