Teach Learning by Listening
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” — Marcus Aurelius
This writing is Certified Human
The Obstacle
We see most things as insufficient. Many of the things people do, say, or how they act could use correcting. How people do things is often not the way we would do them, and so we want them done our way.
We are quick to correct others, especially children, to show them how something should be done, the way that we would do it. When we do this, we mean well, but it can come across as arrogant or superior.
People don't like to be told what to do or how to do things. They would rather do it their way or come up with different ideas themselves.
It doesn't help our relationships to continuously correct, perfect, and demand that things be done our way. It doesn't help our performance to constantly stop and make sure things are done the way we would do them.
We become stressed, frustrated, and annoyed when we're constantly on the lookout for how to make things better.
The Gift and Opportunity
There are many ways to do most everything in life. We can let go of the need for things to be done perfectly or to be done our way.
We can help others see different ways of doing things through their own discovery and exploration. In the process, we can learn from them while teaching them how to think about things differently.
When we're able to do this, we don't need to be involved or in control as much as we once did. This frees up time and energy to focus on what really needs our control and what we should be doing.
Our relationships go much better when we're not constantly reminding someone how they're insufficient or inadequate.
Most of the time, they don't need our input or correction. What they need is to be able to look at things a little bit differently and learn to learn.
The Practice of Self-Mastery
• Notice the urge to correct, perfect, or control
• Listen and see through fresh eyes
• Ask instead of telling
• Let others do it their way
CHEAT CODE: NOTICE → LISTEN → ASK → LET
The Why
I am a hyper-rational stickler. I like things to be done in a sensible way, the way that I would do them.
If I allowed myself, I would continuously correct everyone around me, trying to show them the error of their ways and how to do things better and more efficiently.
In some cases, I may be right, and what I'm saying may be true, but it doesn't help me focus on the things I need to be doing.
When I'm constantly correcting and looking for errors in the way others do things, it damages the relationships with the ones I love most.
I think I'm doing them a favor by showing them a better way to do it, but all they really hear is that they're not smart enough or good enough.
Equally bad, I get stuck in my own ways, don't see things through fresh eyes, and stop learning and progressing by seeing how others do things.
When I'm able to let go and not perfect, control, or correct, I have more time and energy for the things that are important in my life. It also shows others around me that I care, am willing to listen and learn, and will let them figure it out themselves.
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