Monster of Our Own Making

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.” — Seneca

The Obstacle

The Avoider promises
A happier life
An easier life
A less stressful life

If we simply avoid the hard things.

The things we don’t want to do.
Conflict
Resistance
Tasks
Projects
Lifelong dreams.

Seemingly the more important it is
The more we avoid.

Fear of
Looking weak
Foolish
Ignorant
Failure
Rejection
Not being perfect.

The Avoider shows up
Fast.
Then hands us off to another saboteur.

Avoidance comes in the form of
Controlling something you don’t need to control.
Perfecting else something that is already good enough.
Making sure someone is doing something your way.
Over-analyzing points potential of failure or weaknesses.
Slipping into the victim role.
Worrying about all the ways it could go wrong.
Switching to a task that feels more pleasant.
Moving to an obligation made to someone else..

These are the tricks of the Avoider.
They keep us from
Focusing
Starting
Finishing
What actually needs to be done.

The important.
Difficult
Uncomfortable
Contentious
The dream…

Avoiding does not remove the problem.
It hides it away
Feeding it in the dark
Allowing it to become a monster.

Stress.
Anxiety.
Frustration.
Resentment.
Self-judgment
Misdirected anger.

The Gift and Opportunity

The Avoider is useful
Transparent
A terrible liar
And a great thief of time and energy.

It is the cupboard labeled Do Not Open.
The note that says Do Not Read.

It tells us exactly where to look.
What is it trying to have us NOT do?

When we search for distraction
Create filler tasks
Delay the conversation
Move the same item from one list to another
That is the Avoider.

Pause with each new task.
With each shift of attention.

Ask:
Why am I doing this?
Is this important?
What am I avoiding instead?

The answer may be clear.

What you are doing is important
It may be exactly what needs to be done.

OR
It may be avoidance in a thin disguise
A shift of focus to escape what matters.

Avoid the Avoider.
Look behind them
Find the growing monster.

The Practice of Self-Mastery

• Notice the need to shift attention

• Find what is being avoided

• Reduce the task to the smallest possible action

• Begin without negotiating

  CHEAT CODE: NOTICE → FIND→ MAKE A TINY ACTION → START