They’re Not Feeling The Good

“He who receives a benefit with gratitude repays the first installment on his debt.” — Seneca

This writing is certified Human

The Obstacle

They’re not feeling it.

We assume they already know
We take for granted
The things about them we appreciate
The good they do
What they’re good at
How they make our lives better
How they’re special
Unique
How they enrich our lives
The quality of the job they do
The task well done
The project well executed
The contributions they make our
Families
Lives
Business.

The key people in our life
Don’t hear appreciation enough from us.

We take for granted their knowing this.

We think because they’re important in our lives
Close to us
Because we see them often
That it’s just a given in their hearts and minds.

It’s not.

Instead, of them and around them
We complain
Criticize
Correct
Solve
Control
Perfect
Worry
Play the victim.

Our core relationships
Don’t get the benefit of consistent praise.

Instead
All they actually hear is negative
It stacks up. 

We don’t mean it that way.

But that’s what they hear.

And they’re not feeling the good.

The Gift and Opportunity

Humans are wired for negativity
It’s cooked into our DNA.

It may be our nature
But we can overcome it.

Humans remember negativity
Three times more than positivity (at least).

Ancient survival demanded this
It’s why we are here
Our ancestors were the ones that survived.

This remembrance and value we place on the negative
Hinders our  modern
Life and relationships.

Humans need to hear
At least three positives
To outweigh each negative.

How does this ratio play out
In your relationships
With your partner
Children
Parents
Loved ones
Friends?

How does this ratio look
In your professional life
Coworkers
Direct reports
Those above you
Below you
Beside you?

Grand gestures aren’t needed
Just little votes of confidence
More often than corrections
Small praises
Acknowledgments
Gratitude
Recognition
Spoken value.

Remember this ratio.

They’ll feel it.

The Practice of Self-Mastery

• Make note of the three people you speak with most

• Try not correcting or fixing

• Make small acknowledgements

• Keep track of the ratio 

  CHEAT CODE: NOTICE THE GOOD → NAME IT OUT LOUD → REPEAT