Curiosity Over Competition
"If anyone can refute me—show me I'm making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective—I'll gladly change. It's the truth I'm after." — Marcus Aurelius
This writing is Certified Human
The Obstacle
Conversations can be difficult. We all want to be right, have our way, look smart.
It’s easy for conversations to turn into conflict. Arguments stem around differing positions or wanting separate outcomes.
It’s hard not to defend, want to be right, or prove to someone that we’re better, smarter, or that our set of facts is the truth.
We find ourselves battling for position instead of seeking a solution.
When we’re stuck, it doesn’t help us achieve the goal, perform any better, make us happier, and it certainly doesn’t help our relationships.
And yet we do it anyway.
For pride. Ego. A sense of worth for ourselves.
The Gift And Opportunity
We can remember what’s important.
People were put here to help one another. We can help others and they can help us.
But none of this happens until we understand each other, explore all the different paths, and seek the knowledge they may have that we don’t.
Rather than arguing, we could ask what we’re missing, what they may see that we do not, and how we can help each other move forward, move through, solve.
It doesn’t have to be a competition with winners and losers.
It could be an exploration of how to be better at the end than when we started.
We can do this by being curious, understanding, creative, and not tethered to being right or a particular outcome.
When we do this, we’re able to perform better, get the job done, and build trust and camaraderie that will pay off down the road as well.
The Practice Of Self-Mastery
• Notice the need to be right
• Ask what we’re missing
• Explore the other path
• Seek the solution
CHEAT CODE: NOTICE → ASK → EXPLORE → SOLVE
The Why
It’s easy for me to want to argue or to prove someone wrong so that I can look to be right.
It happens all the time. Exchanging memories with my wife. Silly science facts with the kids. How to properly do something with a friend or colleague.
We may argue about little things. The process. The facts.
But in the end, we all want the same thing.
So why do I create resistance when I can be curious about what they know that I don’t?
A different way to do things, even if it’s not a better way.
Solve a problem together rather than separately.
When I do this, my children learn from me that I am curious and willing to engage. And they learn something about themselves. That they’re valued. They have value. And they can do things for themselves.
Family and friends learn it doesn’t have to be my way. That I’m someone they can come to and work with. And I’m not miserable to be around or demand things be done my way.
The curiosity and flexibility to do things differently makes things interesting. Fun. Makes me easy to work with and to be around.
It makes it better for me to put all my energy into what matters rather than fighting for what doesn’t.
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