Move On
“Men are disturbed not by things but by the views which they take of things” — Epictetus
This writing is Certified Human
The Obstacle
We spend our days forming opinions, judging, remembering, and planning for the future.
Our energy is directed backward to things that have happened and forward to things that might happen.
We make assumptions, assume intent, and take action before enough is known.
Much of our energy is wasted chasing, assuming, judging, and backtracking.
Relationships struggle because we assume others’ motives, intentions, actions, attitudes, and moods.
They do the same for us.
The constant battle saps our energy, focus, attention, and drains our relationships.
The Gift And Opportunity
Most of what we assume is incorrect.
Most of our opinions and judgments do not need to happen at all.
Most of the energy we spend on the attitude, tone, and tension of others is simply wasted.
Most of what we assume will happen in the future never does, or at least not in the way we imagined.
Knowing that 90 to 99% of the time we spend forming opinions, judgments, and assumptions is spent on things that either don’t matter or aren’t accurate, we can choose to accept them and let them go.
We can refocus all of that energy onto the things that we can control.
When we do not assume what others intend or what their tone, attitude, or mood is, we don’t have to be swayed by it.
Even when it frustrates and angers us, we can simply let it go because most of it has nothing to do with us and doesn't matter anyway.
When we’re not reacting to others, they have a hard time reacting to us.
That can save relationships and improve our performance in all aspects.
When we simply choose to accept what is outside of our control, we can be less stressed and happier, leaving more energy for what does matter.
The Practice Of Self-Mastery
• Let it breathe
• Create distance
• Ask what’s actually needed now
• Refocus energy onto what deserves it
CHEAT CODE: ASSUME LESS → REACT LESS → LET GO FASTER → FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS
The Why
It's difficult not to get caught up in having an opinion about everything.
The drivers around us. The people in the store. The tones, attitudes, and perceived intentions of the ones we love, our friends, and the people we work with.
When I can get past that, simply let it breathe, and give it some distance, those initial feelings wash away, and I don't need to spend time or energy on it.
It allows others to be how they are, without me adding a layer on top.
When they don't feel the pushback or the attitude coming back their way, it's much easier to navigate and have better relationships.
Most of the time, what I assume has something to do with me doesn’t.
When I'm not constantly planning for a future that never turns out like I imagine, I can refocus that energy onto what I'm doing at the moment.
My attention and efforts can all be focused on what matters instead of judgment, opinion, and planning.
It's not easy, but just a little bit of time and space allows me to stop and ask, what's actually needed now?
What's important and what's not important?
I find that the vast majority of things in my life I don't need to have an opinion or judgment about.
This allows me to be happier, less stressed, and better able to put energy and attention into the things I can control.
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