From Performer to Explorer

“Do not let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” — Marcus Aurelius

The Obstacle

Some of us love being in a party setting with family, and some of us dread it.

There are awkward moments of what to say.
You know them, but only see them a few times a year… so what do you say?

There may be people in your family circle that you really don’t like, or think you don’t like.
It could be the attitude, the tone, the politics, the history.

There are jerks and creeps in every family.
(It’s not just yours…)

We suffer in our thoughts long before we ever arrive.

We enter already deciding how it will go.
We predict awkwardness.
We anticipate discomfort.
We assume we will need to perform, entertain, explain, or manage others’ comfort.

Attention collapses inward onto performance.

How will we be judged by others?
By ourselves?

We observe ourselves as if from the audience.
How we sound.
How we look.
What we say.
What they think.

The safest options feel like either performing or withdrawing, but there is no real escape.

Neither performance nor escape is honest.
Both are exhausting…

The Gift and Opportunity

We do not need to be interesting.
We need to be Interested.

Be Interested. Explore.

Bring curiosity, without fear or agenda about what will be discovered.
The discovery itself is the reward.

We already know our own lives. That is not as interesting, even if it fills the space with performance.
What is new is interesting.

There is something undiscovered in every person.

Explore for the sake of discovery.

When we shift from Performer to Explorer:
Attention moves outward toward what can be discovered.
Self-consciousness loosens as focus leaves the self and into the exploration.
Awkwardness fades as a natural byproduct of the journey.

Stop treating the room like a stage where we need to perform.
View it as an ancient archaeological site where we want to discover.

Be present.
Be curious.
Dig.

The Practice of Self-Mastery

• Before entering, ask: What might I discover?

• Leave predictions and assumptions at the door. Be ready to leave them often as they will not stay outside…

• Ask genuine questions and allow the flow to take over.

• Use exploration to carry the day, there is much to uncover.

• Remind yourself it might actually be fun and interesting to explore and discover.

• CHEAT CODE: STOP — MAKE IT ABOUT THEM — EXPLORE — DISCOVER