Lots of things happen in our lives every day. Good, bad, indifferent. Situations do not go as planned, people disappoint us, obstacles appear, and the mind immediately begins judging, assuming, reacting, and forming opinions about everything and everyone. We trade our energy, attention, and peace for frustration about the way things should be instead of accepting the way things are.

Most things in life are outside of our control and do not require our judgment, emotion, or reaction. Mental fitness allows us to separate from the constant narrative running in the background and stop wasting time and energy on things that are not ours to carry. We can improve relationships, reclaim attention, and become more present by recognizing that we do not need to have an opinion on everything.

Sometimes things don’t go so well. We struggle, fail to perform, get stuck, repeat the same mistakes and patterns, can’t get started, and struggle to maintain momentum. Motivation doesn’t last. Systems not well established don’t take root. We fall back on old patterns, comfortable ways, inefficiencies, and poor communication because it’s what we know.

We don’t have to be the best right now. We won’t be good at something new and that’s okay. Sometimes the start doesn’t go as planned and we are further behind than desired. Rather than giving up or giving in, we can take a step back, reset, restart, and build from the beginning. The fundamentals, the foundation, the practice. If what we’re doing isn’t working, we can reset, retry, restart, step back, and get on the path of progress.

The difference between what people say and what people do reveal the actual values they live. It is difficult to do the thing you say you want to do with conviction and consistency. Without a guide, coach, system, or practice to follow it is almost impossible. Sequential steps in a system or practice help you get from being bad to becoming good. Sometimes we need to do fewer things, but do those things better and with more focus. Sometimes we need to take a step back.

Difficulties arise. Plans don’t go as planned. Vacations, weekends, holidays. Chaos happens. What we want to do becomes interrupted. The needs of others interfere with our desires. The one thing we wanted to do gets sabotaged.

This can ruin our day, weekend, week, vacation, holiday. For us and everyone around us.

Or it can become a teacher.

Patience. Virtue. Skills. Knowledge. Adaptability. Resolution.

Each obstacle to overcome becomes a skill. Each disagreement an opportunity to listen better, learn, understand, and move through things more skillfully next time. When things don’t work, find a new way. When everything goes to hell, decide what actually matters.

This holiday weekend nothing went as planned. The trip was delayed. The weather changed the plans. The boat battery was dead. None of it mattered really. Everything that got in the way became something else fun or productive to do, by choice.

Instead of frustration, anxiety, and anger we shifted and enjoyed what was possible.

Love changes the experience of life.
Love in what we say.
Love in what we do.
Love in how we work, lead, and respond.

Misery, complaint, and the desire to be somewhere else come from resisting what is. Loving what is for what it is allows presence, engagement, and appreciation for life as it is lived.

Every moment is independent from the last.
The next decision, word, action, pitch, throw, or move becomes another opportunity to recalibrate and reinforce who we are becoming. Mental fitness is built through these repetitions. We are not chained to the past unless we carry it forward. At any moment, we can choose who we are, where we are going, and how we will act.

We take things for granted.
We forget who is important and why. We forget to remind those we love we love them and why.

We assume they know. We assume they do not need to be told. We assume it is not needed.

Others feel that we do not notice, have forgotten, take them for granted, take advantage. Unless we say it, things are assumed, and assumptions seldom lead to the truth or to an imagined conclusion that is good.

We are surrounded by people we love and by people who love us. Once in a while, we can share that with them specifically. Remind them why they matter. That what they say and do counts. We can brighten their day and tighten our bonds.

It does not take very long. It cost nothing.

Send love.

We get stuck feeling down, sick, injured, disappointed, and let down. We allow it to cloud the day until everything feels heavier and more difficult than it needs to be. Performance drops, relationships strain, and others feel the weight of what we are carrying. We stop enjoying what we are doing and the company we are with because we keep adding suffering on top of the misery.

Mental fitness is recognizing that what is, is. We may not control how we feel, but we can control what we choose to add to it. Complaints, resentment, and internal resistance compound the condition. We can choose to stop feeding it, remove the added suffering, and continue forward with what we have. Not as good as we could, but as good as we can.

Even while sick, injured, exhausted, or disappointed, responsibilities remain. Family, work, clients, coaching, chores, and leadership still require us. The practice of self-mastery is continuing forward without asking others to carry our suffering. Mental fitness allows us to accept the condition, stay present, and move forward without the emotional dog pile.

Challenges are predictable. Stressors repeat. The same people, situations, pressures, and conflicts continue to show up year after year. Most of us already know what triggers frustration, anger, anxiety, and stress, yet we continue walking into those moments unprepared and then act surprised by the reaction.

Mental fitness is learning to zone in before or during the moment. Get out of the head and into the body. Slow the reaction down. Create time and distance to choose words and actions with intention instead of impulse. Breathing, focusing on a visual, feeling an object, or listening for something unnoticed are all ways to interrupt autopilot and regain control.

Pressure changes performance. In sports, work, leadership, parenting, and relationships, people tighten up when they get trapped in their head. Focus scatters. Reactions take over. But when we become present, loosen up, and zone in, performance changes. This is the practice of self mastery and mental fitness under pressure.

We don’t always feel our best.
We can’t control sickness, injuries, or how motivated we are.

We will want to quit, call it in, not play.
It can be challenging to show up when we’re feeling bad.
We will make excuses and surrender to discomfort if we allow ourselves.

We must make the choice.
Is this just discomfort or will this truly hurt us.

We know our bodies and mind.
We know the difference between pain and injury.
We know how sick we are and if we’re able to perform through the discomfort.

When we’re not feeling our best, we set an internal precedent for when we quit and when we don’t.
There are times to call off when playing will only make us worse and benefit no one.
And there are times to lift ourselves up, gut it out, and get through it.

This weekend my son faced that choice during a soccer tournament.
Injured and sick, he had to decide whether to stay on the bench or lace up and return.
His decision was to lace up.
He showed up for himself and his teammates when the game was on the line.
These small decisions set the tone for what comes the rest of life when the next test comes.

We assume.

We assume tone, motives, intentions, emotions, and meaning without enough information to be certain. We build stories in our heads and react to those stories as if they are fact. This wastes time, drains energy, creates conflict, and strains relationships.

Mental fitness requires an assumptions test.

Pause before reacting. Explore what may be missing. Gather more information before taking action. Better understanding creates better decisions, stronger relationships, improved performance, and better focus and energy.

All we need is an assumptions test.

We want to control it all. Plays, outcome, movement, performance, advancement, winning, losing. We focus on controlling each player, swing, throw, movement, decision, victory, defeat, mistakes. We try to control and micromanage every little thing, losing sight of the overall picture that we control none of the outcome. What’s important is we coach, not command. Setting the pieces where they should be, developing where we can, instilling confidence, and letting the game play out with our support and leadership. A coach develops, allows each their own path, finds strengths, and puts players in situations to grow. Mental fitness helps us step back, stay strategically active without overmanaging, and allow players to learn within their own capacity while enjoying the game.

We judge constantly. Evaluating. Comparing. Scrutinizing. Correcting. Every person an opportunity to judge. The judgments will come whether invited or not. The practice is choosing what to do with them. We can allow them to create frustration, impatience, and disconnection, or recalibrate them into understanding, curiosity, creativity, and action. Mental fitness is noticing the judgment without allowing it to run us. Choosing connection instead of constant correction.

Autopilot runs and we go. Replaying reactions, frustrations, anxieties, and loops until it becomes “normal.” We live inside our heads, replaying and reliving the same scenarios day in and day out. Mental fitness is intentionally pausing, checking in with the body, and listening to what is unsettled. Tight neck, clenched jaw, restless leg, tight chest. The body knows. Finding, understanding, acknowledging, and feeling is part of recalibrating. A quick pause to check in shifts the mood, relieves frustration and anxiety, makes what is important clear, and gets us back in the race with fresh tires and more gas.

No two days are the same. Each day asks something of us. Some days require more. Some days are about other people. We can become rigid, wanting our routine, our schedule, our way. That anxiety and frustration can steal the moment from us and from others. Mental fitness allows us to recognize it before it spreads. To bend. To recalibrate. To intentionally direct our time, focus, attention and energy toward what’s important. Life is smoother when we stop resisting the moment and choose to be where we are with who we are with.

Stoic On The Weekends
Mother That Bare You

4.48

“Your way is therefore to manage this minute in harmony with nature, and part with it cheerfully; and like a ripe olive when you drop, be sure to speak well of the mother that bare you, and make your acknowledgements to the tree that produced you.” — Marcus Aurelius

We are part of the whole
Given and gifted
Granted by God and nature
Passed down through generations
From our mothers.

They bear us
Giving themselves
Blood, body, soul
To make us.

Every person on Earth
You are your mother’s child.

8.36

“Do not let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole. Do not try to picture everything bad that could possibly happen. Stick with the situation at hand, and ask, ‘Why is this so unbearable? Why can I not endure it?’ You will be embarrassed to answer. Then remind yourself that past and future have no power over you. Only the present, and even that can be minimized. Just mark off its limits. And if your mind tries to claim that it cannot hold out against that … well, then, heap shame upon it.” — Marcus Aurelius

We think we have it figured out Then crap gets in the way. Dogs get sick Things break Obligations pile up Plans derail. Hours disappear cleaning up problems we never planned for. Mental fitness is tested in the interruptions frustrations and pressure of everyday life. The real challenge is deciding who we become while handling it. We can be angry frustrated and short tempered Or stay calm collected present and refuse to allow the crap to make us crappy.

We think we’re terrible at it. And we are. We think we’re no good, not progressing, have no skill, will never be good. Only part of this is true, for now. We don’t see the slow progress being made. We only see the bad, that others are better. We feel the frustration of learning something new, failing, struggling, not being able to execute. It feels like there is no end in sight, like it’s taking longer than it should, that we should already be good. The desire to quit calls. But we’ve just started. We’re learning. Of course we’re bad. Everyone is in the beginning. Skills are earned with time, practice, tolerance for frustration, repetition. Lots of repetition. We have to be bad before we can be good. Others see our progress because they’re not as close to it. We are getting better if we’re working on it. We just don’t see it.

We had a plan, but no plan to fail. We did not think ahead to what happens when it comes apart. We did not plan our response, what we would do, who we would be, or how others would be impacted. We did not go more than one layer deep, no backup. Struggle, frustration, and irritation were inevitable. We knew emotions would lead us, distractions would pull our attention, and focus would break, yet we did not plan for it. The opportunity is to anticipate that it will come apart, plan our response to likely failures, decide who we will be, how we will show up, and how we lead others when failure comes. Plan many layers deep, expect friction, and be prepared to respond. Use mental fitness to plan for the moments when the plan does not go as planned.